Today is the Feast day of Saint Pelagia. She is celebrated because of her beauty, but also because of her grace and elegance in the midst of a disordered life.
It's a known fact that most women are pretty hard on themselves. Many feel inadequate or unworthy for many reasons, but one is their life is not where they imagined it would be. Maybe you thought you would be in a relationship by now, be married by now...etc. The reasons are pretty much endless.
It can be easy to feel like this, and something that has always helped me is reminding myself of the promises of God. The ones He made in scripture, and the ones He's made to me personally. The blatant visions I've been blessed to receive, but also the quiet whispers He's placed on my heart. So many look for clear, evident signs, but maybe that's not the way God intended you to hear the message you're looking for. Sometimes, it is in the quiet whisper that you can only hear when you stop and take time to listen.
I'm always surprised by how many around me are so insecure about their love life. This is something that is so hard to overcome and also something I haven't touched on in awhile. Sometimes, telling them to turn to God isn't enough and they feel let down because they feel like they already have. My suggestion would be to try turning to Him in a different way. There are so many forms of prayer and any action or word you speak can become a prayer if you intend it to be. One thing that makes God smile and may help with these insecurities is making a list of standards.
When I was younger, my friends and I went through a chastity program and the first thing we had to do was make two lists of standards. The first list was standards for yourself, and the other was standards for a potential partner. To this day, I still have these lists and keep them close to my heart. This process is incredibly empowering and helps you recognize your worth. It also gives more purpose to the concept of love and makes waiting so much easier.
I'm usually surprised by how many I've talked to don't have lists of standards of any kind, shape, or form. I really cannot encourage this more, and to help thought I'd share a few of mine. The first list is a few of the standards I have for myself.
1. Try to be a better person and daughter of God everyday. Say that extra prayer, help out a little more, and recognize where I need to do better tomorrow.
2. Make at least one person smile everyday. Give someone a compliment or tell them a joke to make them laugh. Try to make their day a little bit better.
3. Have no worries and trust God in every situation. This is one that I struggle with most. I tend to doubt myself about that exam coming up, my ability to make an impact on others, and even my body's ability to heal from these autoimmune struggles. However, God never lets me forget that when I trust Him, it always works out. If I take care of my body, I see signs of healing. If I study hard and am dedicated to my education, I'll pass that exam. If my intentions are pure, I can help impact others positively.
4. Stay light at heart and enjoy life. Sometimes, you need to just take a break, go out with some friends, or just do something fun to remind yourself that life isn't supposed to be difficult all the time. Watch that show that just makes you laugh or listen to that song that makes want to dance all your worries away. God wants us to be easy on ourselves and enjoy this beautiful life He gave us.
5. Never judge others. Never ever, ever judge anyone on their past. They can't change that anymore and it doesn't mean that they're the same person now. Never judge anyone on their present either because you never know what someone is going through or dealing with.
Making this list first is crucial. It gives you goals to strive towards and helps you recognize to what degree you value yourself. You also can't fairly make a list of standards in a potential partner and expect things from them if you don't expect anything for yourself. The next list has a few standards and things I look for in someone before even considering getting involved romantically.
1. He must love God above all else, and I hope we share the same faith and values. I want someone who puts God above all else. Who thinks I'm beautiful, but sees me for more than my body. Who sees my heart and soul. Someone I can trust will protect my heart and soul because his respect for God is so great. Someone who prays with me and for me.
2.Someone who is sensitive/caring, but also knows how to laugh and have fun. Who doesn't bring a heavy weight to every situation and can make light of the little annoyances in life. Who loves to hang out and enjoy the little things, but also go on adventures, big or small.
3. Someone who is patient and can temper his anger. I don't think this one needs further explanation.
4. Someone who is honest, passionate, and diligent. Not just honest with me, but also with himself and God. A man who has goals and strives to accomplish them.
5. And last, he pursues me. Someone who thinks I'm special enough to take the risk on. Who reminds me I'm loved and cared about, especially on the days when I don't feel like it. Who pursues me and my little heart with passion and purity.
These are things that won't ever change and I'm willing to trust God and wait patiently until He delivers and comes through. Don't ever, ever, ever budge on your morals and standards because God wouldn't give you those desires if He didn't have intentions of following through. So pray, be patient, and trust. If you don't have lists, I strongly encourage you to write some.
I'm praying for you,
--Kelsey Lynn <3
